Many people do not know what to say to a grieving person and end up blurting out something that is not helpful and possibly offensive when faced with their need to say something. In reality, sometimes a hug, hand on the shoulder, or simply saying "you are in my prayers" is the best way to show our humanity and our compassion. The following are things that have been said to myself or to clients by well-meaning people after a loss. While some of these statements do carry some truth, I think that you will easily see why these statements are not very helpful, especially if you can put yourself in the shoes of a grieving person.
Things to not say to a grieving person:
1) It is a part of God’s plan.
2) At least you have other children.
3) You’re young; you can marry again.
4) He is in a better place now.
5) It is time to move on with your life now.
6) You should go to ……..( the movies, party, vacation, etc)
7) When my friend lost his wife, he remarried within a few years.
8) You have so many other things to be thankful for…..
9) It was their time to go.
10) You have to stay strong for your…….(children, spouse, partner, friend, etc)
11) I know how you feel……
12) Don’t cry. You’ve cried enough.
In my next blog, I will share some helpful tips for helping someone who is grieving.